My Facade

So yes, I ended my last post with saying I was putting up a facade, and for the most part I feel it is true. Now I know most of what I'm about to say is unreasonable and untrue, but this is the way I FEEL, not what actually IS. I think my employment is at risk, because I can't do the things I used to do as good as I used to do them. Sure 99% of the time it doesn't matter anyway but if you had a guy who had a stroke and wasn't quite right and a guy who was normal, who would you pick?

Yeah, yeah I know none of that is going to happen, but it might.... maybe. And then there's the whole life at home thing, yes it is even more unlikely than the work thing but still, I have to talk and present myself and what not. Again I ask you, dear reader, would you rather a stroke victim or a normal guy?

That leads me to the whole facade thing. I feel like I put up a front so that everything will pretty much stay the same. I don't think my wife is man shopping or anything, but I do feel less than I was, certainly not what she signed up for. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it retarded? Yes. but still these things are lingering in the back of my bruised brain. Should I just STFU? Probably.

My work has stuck with me, my wife has stood by me, my kids... are still my kids. I really have no reason at all to think anything bad is going to happen... So why am I stressing over this? I don't know.