I finally went online looking for help with my stroke, and all it really did was make me depressed. I don't even know why. Many of the stories I glanced though are much more horrific than mine. I guess I should just feel lucky, but I don't, nope not at all. I don't want to feel lucky, I just want my life back. But of course after reading the stories I now wonder if I will ever get it back. I regret ever looking at those places online, because now I have a much gloomier outlook than before. I knew this would happen, if I went looking, and it did... god damn it...
I need to find a place where maybe I can talk to someone, or just not hear everyone else's problem. Not that I wouldn't care, because I would... but I am at a point where I need to be selfish right now and while it will probably take someone who had a stroke, I just can't mentally or physically or emotionally put up with anybody else's crap.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sigh...
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2 comments:
MH:
You're not alone there...
1) with the online "clinics", you can but imagine yourself with a myriad of worse-case scenarios, so I avoid them like the plague!
2) as for being selfish and not wanting to deal with anyone ESE'S crap...been there, still doing that.
We ALL need some "me" time, especially as we get "more seasoned" (yeah, I meant older)
And I've never had a stroke (that I can recall anyway) yet.
Just do like me, and never get tired of putting up with your OWN crap, 'cause YOU spend more time with YOU than anyone else.
;)
B.G.
Of course you don't feel lucky! At some point you probably will, but you're a bright young guy with a life and dreams and now you feel much less in control of your future than you did. Right?
The security of our futures is always in doubt, but few young people have to really deal with that. Plus, you have fatigue and physical changes and stuff and what you do NOT need is guilt about not feeling lucky or grateful.
I think you're doing great. I think you ARE great. (Based on what I see in these blogs of course :>P). You're noticing rainbows and gnats. There's something very zen about that, and that will help you with the expectations. But then what do I know? (Sigh)
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