I have mixed emotions about the current state of affairs concerning my oldest and her desire to perhaps live at her mother's house... in Mississippi. You see it has been going on for years. And my daughter is the spitting image of her mother. Like her in every way. So on one hand I'm fighting a battle that I can not possibly win and on the other I know she will sink even deeper if I let her go live with her mother.
You see education really isn't all that important to my ex-wife's family and to me and my current wife (a teacher) it really is. Then there is the whole family situation. My ex-wife lives with her mother, who also lives with her mother. In fact it is just one big, uh happy? family. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, but it is hard to step outside the box when/if the time comes.
I asked my daughter, "What is it that is so good about over there, that you can not do over here?" She could not provide an answer. Finally I told her that life is pretty good here, I pretty much have everything I could dream of here. But if she was convinced that life here sucks and it would be so much better in Mississippi with her mom, then she needs to go. It hurts to say that, because for many years... it was just me and her. And I feel like it will all be thrown away if she moves away.
Maybe, maybe not, I don't know. There will be good things if she leaves. No more teenage angst in my house. No more pushing her to do better in school, No more pushing her to take car of her dog, take care of her room, or take care of her chores (which we would do quicker anyway). I would instantly become a "weekend dad". She would only come over once and awhile and there would only be fun things. Wouldn't that be nice? Except everything I've worked so hard to instill in her would be gone, and I really wouldn't be her father anymore. At least not one that I thought I would be... to her.
But the old saying goes "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". Yeah, I know, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
Monday, March 16, 2009
My Girl
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3 comments:
Aren't you forgetting something, my friend? "Raise a child up in the way she should go, and when she is old she will not depart from it". The teenage talent of driving you crazy is just exactly that... and most teens from divorced parents will absolutely believe that the parent who does NOT have custody will be the better, looser, more permissive and more loving parent, and therefore the better choice for them.
You have taught her what it means to be responsible and functional. If she goes into a more lackadaisical atmosphere, she WILL love it - for a time. But in her mind she will also be doing comparisons. It is SHE who will have to make the choices that will run her life. All we can do is to stand back and let them choose - and be there to catch them if they fall. But all too often they trip and stumble - and it is what we have taught them, early on, that keeps them from falling.
I know; trust me. It is the hardest thing in the world to let go - but it still has to be done (and my kids thought I did it so easily! HA!)
I know all that. I guess the problem is... if she comes back to me, then she will be all that much more behind. That's the problem I'm having.
Or she could come back with a whole new attitude of... I'm ready to take on the challenge!
Not that she'll ever admit you were RIGHT or anything...
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