I'm trying to not come down too hard on my teenager. I think most of us parents that have teens try to understand their kids. Hell it doesn't seem like all that long ago that I myself was a teenager. And I know... KNOW that some of the things I did weren't right or even legal. But my parents were kind of not really there. That's not to say I had a bad childhood, because I didn't but it's all in context. Yes I got caught with various things I shouldn't have been doing, but I got away with even more.
Maybe that's the problem. My child can't get away with anything, because I know all the outs. I know what kids do, I used to be one myself. But you can't say that to anyone. It's the last thing they want to hear. And my wife, well she's the perennial "goody goody" you can't explain anything to her, because she was a good kid. So combine a "goody goody" with a reformed "bad boy" and my daughter is facing impossible odds. But don't feel bad for her, she makes her own messes, she needs to clean them up.
Anyway I keep thinking of the song "teenagers" by My Chemical Romance. Sure you think adults are all out to get you, make you work, make you conform, make you do... Actually that's really not true, but you won't realize that until your on your own. Kids, phooey.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Bad Parenting
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As a bad child married to another bad child, we knew all of the ins and outs of pushing the envelope, sometimes even ripping it to shreds and hiding the evidence. So when we started the family, we laid down VERY strict rules - knowing innately that the kids would push them to the limit and beyond.
Now that they are adults, and we sit around and talk as adults, they whisper - "Did you know we..." LOL of COURSE we knew. We knew how far they would push before fear of immediate and terrible retribution would occur. It was what we planned. Expected. Counted on. They knew EXACTLY what would get them in trouble (and I was not above calling the cops on them, and they knew it!) - so they did everything short of it. To quote my middle son - "I knew if I ever got caught doing something wrong, and went to jail, you would walk into the jail, schmooze past everyone right into my cell, and then beat the CRAP out of me in front of everyone. NO WAY was I going to go thru that!"
Fear is a wonderful thing. They have to believe that you will inflict the swift, accurate, and painful punishment that you promise - but they also have to believe that they can "get away" with some things.
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