Deese Nuts, They Be Chillin'

I want to tell you about my recent experience, but I am somewhat hesitant because I don't want anyone thinking I'm a freak or anything. I'm a cosmopolitan, or at least think I am. I like the finer things in life, if you know what I mean. I saw the ads for Nivea shower gels, they are not to perfumey and moisturize your skin and I thought, "That's for me." So I got some, sort of...

They had two kinds at the store, and I picked up the "cool" one, because, I really don't know why, but that is the one I went with. It is cool because it has menthol in it, you know like Vick's Vap-o-rub or a pack of Salem's. And me being the adventurist I thought that it couldn't hurt right?

So the next time I take a shower I try out this mentholated shower gel. Well, this is where it gets interesting. First off I'd like to say that the shower gel does what I want to, get's me clean, isn't too perfumey, and yes moisturizes. But the whole menthol thing? Completely unnecessary.

You have to work pretty hard to get a lather built up, that I can take or leave, it would be nice if it would lather up easier, but hey, we all want something. After I built up a lather and scrubbed in the way that most people do (head, body, arms, legs, then the unmentionables). And everything up to this point is working fine, but I can feel the menthol and the "cool" feeling that it gives.

But it was pretty faint, I mean, it wasn't like eating a peppermint patty or anything. That is, until I got to the unmentionables. I do not suffer from neuropathy but I know what it is, and I so do not have it. So I get out of the shower, and the menthol is still with me, in and around my nuts.

Why would anyone do anything as masochistic as to put some Vick's on 'your boys'? I guess it really takes all kinds. I personally don't find it too cleansing, I guess, if you happen to be in a hot desert or maybe a tropical environment, maybe cold balls would be right up your alley. Me? I could do without.

I know, I know... I picked that one, I bought it, really I brought this all on myself. I take full responsibility. Other than your nuts being in the freezer, it really does what it says, and what I want. I just don't know if I'm willing to put up with that feeling to get it.

Don't Leave Me

So my daughter (the little one) has got this thing. It's the "Don't leave me" thing. It is funny, but my wife says it was brought on by me. Because I would say "You better hurry, or I'm leaving." I don't deny it. But what's a guy to do?



Look around minute 2, you'll see what I'm talking about...

Looking at The "Intra-webs"

So we were selecting items to put in our wish list that we have, that we are registered at Target for the baby shower. I wasn't sure if I said that right. Basically, we were looking at whatever, adding it to the registry, and we hope that our friends will buy them. I mean that is what a registry is right? And I guess this is why my wife has a problem with the whole thing... "Hey can you buy me XYZ? I don't want to buy it when I can leach it off of somebody else."

Well, I guess, I mean I didn't invent the baby shower, so I really don't know. But anyway, we were looking through "changing pads" when my wife points to the bottom of the screen, and what did we see? A purse, for a 3 or 4-year-old, a kid's purse... recommended by Target, as something I might be interested in. I could see if it was a baby toy, or some other kind of baby-related thing, but a toddler's toy, not so much. Is it me or am I crazy?

Classic Film Friday: Back To School

I am a sucker for anything with Rodney Dangerfield in it. Why? I really don't know, maybe it's the "dumb luck factor". Anyway, I like this movie... a lot. Thornton Melon, is a guy that made his way through life the hard way. And it is his now 2nd ex-wife's problems that make him realize what is really important. He goes up to see his son, who is in college. He wants to go to college too, and (because he has a lot of money) he goes.

And thus becomes the oldest freshman anybody has ever seen. But he is also the richest freshman anybody has ever seen, and he lives it up, sometimes at his son's expense. This movie has other people in it, Sam Kinison, Robert Downey Jr, Sally Kellerman, and Burt Young, but it is all Rodney Dangerfield. His one liners and trademark eyes are what makes this movie. If you like Rodney, you'll love this movie.



And not to ruin this movie for anyone (who hasn't seen it?) but the "Triple Lindy" is a thing of beauty...and bad editing, but what do you want for 1986?

Twittering on Blogging or Vice Versa

You may have noticed, I have a twitter account... I have it on my blog right there in the top right. You see it? Yeah, I really don't know what if anything, the big deal is about twitter, I mean the only static I've seen is some spam, but I don't really know.

But I do see just about everyone going to twitter. It gives you something in it only lets you post 140 characters per post, which really isn't much at all. This allows you to limit what you say, because there is only so much you can say in just a short sentence or two.

So I'll see how this twitter thing works...

Did You Know?

Open House

Ok so my daughter, the big one, she brings home this notice that says when the open house will take place. No big deal right? I mean this happens every year, then I read down to see what time and I am like, holy shit! They are starting it at 4:15PM. and I'm thinking, what the hell, the only people that can go to an open house that early are stay-at-home moms and the unemployed.

Seriously WTF? Who is off that early? The bread delivery guy? Night security? The 3rd shift at Waffle House? I will have to take off from work to attend and then I'll bet it really isn't worth all that, but you want to be interested in your kid right?

So what to do? Should I take off from work and go, even though, it won't really change anything or just blow the whole thing off? Yeah you know I'm going to go, and regret every minute of it.

The End... Or Is It

And so another step has been made in my 13-year-old's trip to adulthood. It makes me sad, but at the same time happy I guess. It taught me a lesson too. You see I and my daughter have been walking in the evening, but on this day we decided to leave the dogs home and take the bikes instead.

Well this involved getting the bikes out the garage (which was a task) and then making sure that the tires had enough air, and making little adjustments to the seat and handlebars. With that all done we were off. It's not like we were on a cross-country trip or anything, we were just looking to go around the neighborhood.

Now my daughter and I have a sort of relationship that I'm sure many father/daughter relationships mirror. I tease her, not too much, but just enough to get under her skin. And she protests, but not too much, and thus it kind of goes around and around.

And what was I teasing her about? I like to get on the bike and act crazy, like I'm going to wreck into her and such. Is this retarded? Most definitely, but I do it anyway, I don't know why. And this makes my daughter have much stress, which makes me do it even more. So here you have a teenage girl and an old fat man, acting like buffoons on bicycles. Sound great doesn't it?

And then we get to the part where I got served, which really, I do not like, but I knew that one day it would have to come. As I was engaged in tomfoolery, (trying to act like I was going to wreck into my daughter) I let my mouth write a check that my ass, or lungs as it were, could not cash. She just started pedaling as fast as she could, and I could not catch her.

I tried, I mean, I ran my bike through its gears and it simply wasn't enough to gain on her. That or I need more seat time to get back in shape. Because by the time we got back to the house, I was beat like a rented mule or redheaded step-child. I tried to gather myself back up, but really, I strung myself all along the road, It would take some time before I could even speak.

I eventually did speak, and I said, "Let me sit down, you gave me a heart attack!" (Really I almost gave myself a heart attack, but mom always taught me guilt) And so there it is, my daughter doesn't really have to put up with the old fat man acting like a lunatic when he gets on a bike anymore, she can simply pedal harder, and escape him. But don't think this is the end. Now I'll have to think of different ways to get under her skin.

The Alligator Part V, or We Have Gators, Get Over It

Well, what I thought was just a summer tryst, turned into a more permanent thing. I don't know what to think about it. I mean, it is what it is. At least the one I saw IN THE WATER, was much nicer and smaller that the other one. And I really can't see alligators year round at my place, I just don't know what they would eat. They don't eat the fish or turtles that swim all around him/her. I just don't get it, but oh well.

It is kinda funny, that in all the time I lived in Louisiana, the only time I would see a gator would be when I went fishing, deep into the bayou and here in the "toe" of South Carolina, which is much further north the New Orleans, I have them in my backyard. Then again, swampland is pretty cheap back home, and here, well, you have to pay extra to get it.

Two ways to eat pie... or Maybe More.

I know I am partial to my way of eating pie, but there is another, and my house is evenly divided as to which is the proper way to eat it.

My way: Or as my wife puts it... "shoveling" Which is to cut with the side of your fork and take that piece into your mouth or ""shoveling. This is the accepted method for myself and my 3-year-old.

The other way: Or as I put it... "back hoeing" The user takes his/her fork and uses the tips at the end to pick a piece up, much like a back hoe. This method is utilized by my wife and 13-year-old and seems some what barbaric to me.

Anyway, how do you eat pie?

Garden Update: Week 25

Well, I think I'm going to wrap up the garden until winter comes and we can plant some cool weather crops. I'm really let down by the whole garden thing, I mean, I might have got $5 worth of cucumbers, $5 worth of peppers, and maybe $10 worth of tomatoes out of it. I was really hoping for something a little more but the insects and rain (a whole lot of rain) were all I got this year. It is a good thing we don't actually depend on this farm for food. I think I'll look into either varieties of veggies that like my swampy soil, or figure out a way to drain it off. I may keep it up for a few weeks more, as there are some tomatoes and peppers left, but by in large, the 2009 summer crop (the lazy man version) is done.



Also there was a screw up on movies so there will not be a film this week, but I will make up for it... or not. :o)

You are Going to Party, And You Will Like It

My wife, who has been my wife for over 4 years has suddenly developed a sort of anti-social behavior. It is not bad, or terminal, it is just weird. She doesn't want to throw a party or otherwise invite friends when it is something to do with her. Say I want a birthday party or her best friend is having a get together... she's all for that, but turn it around and suddenly she is an old hermit that has no friends.

Now that is not to say that she really is a hermit, in fact, she has way more friends than I do. Maybe it is pregnancy, or maybe it is something else, but she does have friends and people who care about her. So I guess I'll just take her out to have fun whether she likes it or not.

I'm like Mamma and the bad boy all wrapped up into one.

It is her birthday this week, and we're having a get together at a certain local place, and weeks later we are planning a baby shower. I can't make her have fun, but I can force her to go. I think...

Rule 34 In Effect

If you don't know what rule 34 is... look it up, you'll find it.

List of Fear

So I was talking to the family over dinner, yes it is something we all do, I mean, it is the one meal we all have together. During the talk our fears came up. They ranged from the ridiculous, to the not so ridiculous. They are as follows...

Littlest fears: Witches, skeletons, and ghosts (Halloween anyone?)

Oldest daughter fears: Roller coasters, escalators, and grasshoppers (WTF?!?!)

Wife's fears: to be cut or cutting herself

Dog fears: Storm drains, thunderstorms, running out of food

Cat fears: Running out of food, running out of sleep

My fears: Running out of beer...

So who is a most fearful? Looking in the fridge, I'd say me. I mean not to sound crazy, but in the list of things there above, with the exception of running out of food, and maybe grasshoppers, mine is the most likely to come true. I tried to think of something more scary, and all I could come with besides running out of beer, was my lawn mower (that is literally held together with a bungee cord) coming apart and the blade somehow coming loose and hitting somebody, but that is a little long don't you think? So now I have to stop by and pick up some brew... or my biggest fear will come true!

Got a Headache?

I would not be alive right now if I said this healthcare debate that is running through the entire country didn't or wouldn't affect me. In fact it affects me greatly. And I really don't know which way to go on this subject, and I bet many people really don't know.

I work for a hospital, and that hospital is for-profit. Is that wrong? I mean is it wrong to make money off of sick people? That sounds so heartless, but many times it is the for-profit places that come and set up shop where non-profit just don't bother. And there would be a big hole in healthcare if all of the for-profit's closed up shop today (not to mention I'd be out of a job).

So lets say that it is fine to profit off of sick people. Just as it is ok to profit off of someone who is thirsty, or hungry, or who is seeking shelter, really, anything. So how much can you profit? Well that depends really, because not everyone pays their bill in full. So they charge the people who do pay a little (or a lot) more. Like they do in stores for shoplifters.

Don't think that I am going to side with the right, because I have been through this more than once, or even twice. In my life I have had 4 major hospital visits, plus a few other incidents like a broken jaw from a car accident and getting my tonsils out. On top of that my mother, along with me, work in heathcare, for a long, long time. I think it should be "free" as far as it is a public good, but nothing is ever free... nothing.

My mother says it really doesn't matter what is right or wrong, "they" are going to do whatever they are going to do. Well I do kind of agree with her on that. And I still don't really know much about the bill itself, other than it is really big, and it will likely change. So why is everyone going crazy about this??? Just in anticipation of what could happen? What might happen? What won't happen? It is all too much for me to wrap my head around, really. I think I'll wait `til later...

Monster Impatiens

So I wanted to see what if anything I could grow, from seed, in the way flowers. Everything died except what I call "Godzilla" the monster impatient. It is actually several impatiens, not just one, and I looked around to see if I could find another case of this happening. And I really could not find much (I didn't look that hard).

So hear it is... my Godzilla of the plant world.

My Fantasy Island (pants)

My wife picked me up some pants off of the internet. I call them my 'Fantasy Island Pants' because they are almost, but not quite...white. I laugh every time I wear them, and thus my fantasy has become a reality, if my fantasy were to wear white pants. I feel like Ricardo Montalbán. I mean, look at the pants. All I need now is the jacket, and I'd be set.

Classic Film Friday: North by Northwest

This movie is thought of as "the first James Bond movie", but it really isn't, but it is. That is to say, it is that kind of movie... A man running from death or in a perilous situation, a beautiful woman, guns, and travel. It really does a good movie make.

This is a Hitchcock movie, which is to say, it is a masterpiece at least in the suspense category. Cary Grant plays Roger Thornhill, an ad executive who is mistaken for George Kaplan, a government agent (who doesn't really exist at all)... So these spies, from I don't know where, hold up Roger at gun point and we begin our roller coaster ride.

Roger goes from being kidnapped to a DUI violation, to a murderer in almost no time at all, and the thing is, he is none of those things, well he was kidnapped. And we haven't even talked about Eve Kendall (Eva Marie Saint) the love interest. He goes through what seems like anything and everything to attempt to clear his name. He leaves New York, on a train, to Chicago where he runs into Eve. He is looking for the real George Kalap (which he will never find, because he doesn't exist).

He falls in love with Eve, as she helps him hide from the police. And why does she do that? Because she is a double agent of course. And another wrinkle is added to the mix. So will Roger ever clear his name, find true love, or make his mother happy? You'll have to watch and see...

Hubig's... Mmmm, Mmmm

So the pivotal moment has arrived, and what is this moment your asking? It was my daughter coming back with a bit of New Orleans swag. Hubig's pies to be exact. Oh how I used to go down to the corner store and get one, and eat it, and everything was right with the world. To the uninformed, it is probably just a fried pie, but to me, it is my childhood and it is from New Orleans, so they have to be good right? Oh yes! Yes, they are.



I have been telling anybody who will listen, that if you go to New Orleans, you simply must try a Hubig's pie. Now when I was growing up, they were 35¢, now they are a buck a piece. They also had two kinds, the fried pie, and then another more like a miniature home baked pie. That was the kind I would get when I was a kid, it cost 10¢ more because it was a bit bigger. But anyway, if anyone wants to get me some more pies, they are available for shipment.

I know, it costs a bit, but it (in my mind) is so worth it. And they have so many flavors to choose from. My wife and oldest daughter were kind of not so impressed, but I'm telling you, if you want me to be happy, give me a Hubig's pie.

Garden Update: Week 24

I feel like the garden is waning, without really producing much. Things are still going along, but I can't help but think there is something wrong. What I have harvested tastes great, but really, I don't know if I got $20 worth of veggies out of it...

The Hippo says...

She Gets Me

I think I am going to be all sappy for at least one blog post. I know that I have been kind of anti-social, anti-kid, anti-teenager or otherwise against anything my oldest daughter did. And I still am, sorta' but honestly I'm really glad she is back. Not just because there is somebody else to clean out the cat box either, it is deeper than that.

My daughter was telling me all of the horrors of living in Mississippi for 5 weeks, and it brought back everything I hated about living there. Everybody has problems, but living on top of each other just makes it worse... seriously.

Anyhow my daughter gets me, gets my attempts at humor, my sayings, my ribbings, my everything. And that isn't to say that my wife doesn't, but she just couldn't the way 1/2 of ME does. So I'm happy, and I've never been this kind of happy before. It is scary. We have been out, taking a walk every evening since she has been back. I need to get in shape, stay active, and the time I get to spend with my daughter is good too.

It usually turns into a laughing kind of walk, we take the dogs with us, and anyone who happens to come across us is probably thinking, "What the hell is so funny". And I really don't know, I mean it just is, if that makes sense. Which it likely does not, and that is ok too. I don't know how long this will last, but I hope it lasts a lonnnnnnnggggggggg time. We'll see...

Cherry Cola

There is a new song in my head. It really isn't all that new, but it is new to me. It's called "cherry cola" by the Eagles of Death Metal. I found it through the downloadable content on Guitar Hero. Which is pretty much the way I find any new music. Here is a clip if you like...





And now we all walk around the house, humming, singing, or otherwise performing, 'cherry cola' maybe you will to, and then I won't feel so weird.

Algae Eater

So I'm wondering, kinda like out loud... Can an algae eater live in the pond in back of my house? I know you kind of take a roll of the dice with the other fish, turtles, and birds eating it, but other than that... can it survive? We got an algae eater to clean up my daughter's fish tank, and it has, in fact it did its job too well, it doesn't have anymore algae to eat.

We went and got some algae pellets at the pet store, but it doesn't seem to like that so much. Also is there any kind of laws in where, you can't release an algae eater into the wild, for whatever reason? I'm really tempted to just let him go. There is plenty of algae in the pond.

But if I do, more likely than not the poor fish will last maybe 10 minutes, eaten by a bird or something, but there is that small chance it won't. And then the question is... what do I do when the fish cleans out the pond?

No More TV

TV as you know it. is pretty much a waste of time... I'm just saying what is painfully obvious really. Nothing on actual broadcast TV, even cable, is really worth your time. I used to not feel this way, but more and more I think I could do without TV. It breaks down like this...

If it is not on PBS or TMC (because they lack commercials) or some kind of sports, you might as well turn it off. That sounds pretty harsh coming from a guy who has a 54" TV in his living room, but it's true. I still watch movies on my TV, even via DVD player or Roku, and we use the TV for video games. But TV for actual TV... not so much.

And when you do just veg-out in front of the TV, nothing good ever, EVER on anyway. I heard on NPR the reasons why the proliferation of reality television shows, it's money. You don't have to pay nearly as much to Joe or Jenny off of the street, as you would for a real program, with actors and writers, and such. And where did all that time go anyway?

Maybe it's time to curl up with a good book or talk to somebody or get into a hobby or something other than watch TV... I mean really, that stuff rots your brain!

Classic Film Friday: Blackboard Jungle

Richard Dadier (Glenn Ford) is a teacher, fresh out of school himself, and he takes a job in the inner city. He has to find ways to engage the kids and still not be killed by them.

Gregory Miller (Sidney Poitier) is a kid who could be something positive but because of kids being kids... he is more of a negative... at first. Mr. Dadier has to find a way to get a hold of those kids right? Right?

This movie also features 'Rock Around the Clock' which at the time was quite a tune...

Garden Update: Week 23

Boy oh boy, has it rained here the past couple of days. It seems like a couple of inches each day, and that (I think) causes its own problems with anything that grows. Nothing is dead yet, but there is a kind of creeping death, starting at the base of the plant. It turns leaves yellow then brown. And to top it off something is eating my crops too. I put out some Sevin dust, but it probably got washed away by the rain. Anyway, despite all the rain, things still look good. I picked some peppers and a cucumber. More to come... we hope.

Back Home Again

And so begins another school year. Ok I know, it doesn't start for another week, but my oldest is coming home this weekend, and thus the school year begins. There are other signs, but for me this is the biggest.

Now instead of a 3-year-old giving me grief about her bedtime or just 5 more minutes in the bath tub, I get re-indoctrinated in the world of not doing as told. You know, the look your teenager gives you because they think they know everything, and do not need your help, and yet if you don't give some kind of guidance, she is going to suffer until you do help her somehow. But I could be wrong, I mean, I base this all on past achievements. Now that my kid is in honors classes across the board, maybe it will be different. I did say 'maybe'.

Still it is nice to have my immediate family back under one roof again. And it will feel nice to hand some chores back too. I mean, I'm just saying... Welcome home kid, the cat box has missed you, as well as the dishwasher... Right? My wife says that if I actually say that my daughter will hate me. I don't know, the truth will set you free.

What is Wrong With Him?

The Fat Guy's Wish

The diabetes thing is getting to me. I've gained weight, and been eating things I shouldn't, not crazy really, I don't think so anyway. I'm not eating a dozen doughnuts at one sitting or anything like that. It has been a slow weight gain. Plus sympathy weight gain for the wife being pregnant. I'm fat, I admit it. Well not really. I'm not real fat, just around my belly.

So anyway, the diabetes thing, it is out of control... For me it is I think. Blood sugars in the 300's are no good for anyone. I can't really figure out what is wrong, other than drop a few pounds and get a little healthier. But my problem is more than that, but I don't know who I can talk to about it. The endocrinologist will say, get on the pump... I don't have the $5,000 it costs to do that, plus I think it is weird that every person in that doctor's office is on the insulin pump.

And that still doesn't really tell me why my body is acting this way. Is it processed food? Is it because I'm fat? Is it some food allergy? Is it something I haven't thought of yet? In a few weeks, my body will adjust, and the diabetes won't be such a big negative. But I keep thinking of that night when the EMS read a blood sugar of 17. I don't want to change like that ever again, because we are convinced that had something to do with my stroke.

So I have to walk this tightrope of don't go too high, or too low because something bad will happen. But I really just wish, that a doctor could tell me what's going on with my body, and I believe him/her. It hasn't happened yet.

Not Complaining... But I Am

I'm at a fork in the road. Ok not really, but I am trying to wrap my head around what teachers have to do... for free and what the rest of the world does. What am I talking about? Well first off, I don't want to sound like I'm off my rocker, I know the good and bad of being a teacher... or at least a teacher's husband. And you will have that in every job, no matter what.

But anyway, let's start with training for teachers. They have to room with 2 or 3 people if it requires a hotel. Can you imagine? In my time as a member of the armed forces, I always got a hotel room to myself, the same can be said for the civilian world. Never in my life have I been asked to room with anyone, yet teachers do it all the time. Can you just see what it is like getting ready in morning? Three teachers, all jockeying for the hair dryer or toilet. Yikes!

Or how about how many days they get paid for versus how many days they actually work. Now this is bad for dedicated teachers, good for lackadaisical half-assed teachers. I really wish that somehow we could reward those who come in during vacations and holidays, that take their work home and do it over the weekend. But I just don't know how. It is just one of those things that comes with the job... I guess. But think about it, does your job pay you based on how many years you've done your job and how much school you've been to? My job is more performance based. But maybe it is just me.

And what about teaching supplies, my wife has to pay for her own calendar. Seriously, a teacher has to pay for her own calendar? I'm not griping about wanting more money... I'm really not, but it seems odd that a person who holds a master's degree and is trusted with so many kids, doesn't make all that much more than me, a high school graduate, with some Army training. Maybe she is in the wrong business... but I think she is doing what she loves, and she does it well, and I'm not complaining... but I am.

Best Grass

I got me some good grass. I know, you might think you have some good grass, but mine is better. It is the best grass in the neighborhood, it is just the right shade of green, not too over-fertilized, it is thick carpety and weed free. I love to walk in it barefoot because it feels so good.

You see this picture? It was taken in the worst part of my yard, because the best part would cover the feet up completely. I think about the grass a lot, mainly because I have to mow it weekly.

I also know, that as good as I think my grass is... my dogs really don't care. They're going to pee on it regardless. And that's ok too... I think

24 weeks

So we got a view into the womb of my wife, via a 3D ultrasound. The first one shows part of her face and hand, and she is healthy, which is all we can hope for really.


Below you can see her a bit more, but her nose is mushed.


It all is nice to look at but I don't hold much in the way of predictability in the science, I mean, yeah they can tell if it is a boy or girl, and maybe if it has something wrong, but as far as size, well not so much. See, last time the ultrasound "told" us that the baby (my 3-year-old) was 10+ pounds, it turned out to be a very normal 7 pound baby. But the doctor let my wife have it, because he said she was not staying on her diet and was pre-eclamptic . Basically he accused her of eating bad things, but as it turns out, we had a very normal kid, normal weight, size, length, pretty much everything. And my wife was vindicated, sort of, I mean any caring mother who is blessed out by her doctor thinks the worst, I mean afterall he's the doctor right? That doctor only does GYN and no longer OB, and for that we are glad.