Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Stupid Things We All Do as Kids

Why am I broaching this subject? Well because it was pushed onto me by Augustus drinking milk, from last night, which was likely a little old... sitting out all night. It wasn't her fault, the milk belonged to the Songbird, so you could blame her, but it was the teenager's job to clean up, so you could blame her too. Basically Augustus found a drink and decided to partake... except it was a cup with no lid, and of old milk, it went all over her shirt. My wife was just about to leave. This sort of thing happens way more than we want it to, but what are you going to do?

So I start thinking, what was the stupidest thing you did as a kid? Me... It would have to be a tie between getting my... junk caught in a Foosball table... and wrecking my car, putting my head through a windshield, breaking my jaw, and losing a tooth... Yep, hey I said stupid, and I have to think that both rank high on the list.

My brother was always bringing home junk. He and his friends would bring home toys, swimming pools, a Foosball table, pretty much any and all things "interesting" that others would toss. It was junk, the people who owned it threw it away, but my brother thought it was gold. Anyway I was about 7 or 8 which would make my brother 12 or 13. The thing was not really stable, and it would tip and come apart in places, especially when you had active boys playing a game on it. I was simply watching, I leaned on the table, or right next to it, and it pinched my junk.

It looked and sounded a lot worse to me, because I was the one getting pinched I guess. I never went around that thing or anything else my brother dragged out of the garbage again. I guess that was more of a wrong place at the wrong time sort of thing, but I should have known better than trust something my brother got out of one of his dumpster diving expeditions. Now that I think about it, my father got off cheap, we didn't have much for entertainment... ah well.

Now the wrecking of my car... was totally my fault, and I'm still living with the repercussions of that retarded act. I didn't even have my license yet. I was getting it, that weekend, but that all got seriously messed up. I lived on a dirt road and when you live on a dirt road it gets washed out in places at times. I hit that and you get the feeling of loss of control, I thought it was cool, I stepped on the gas (I was just driving to the highway, turning around and coming home). So how did that work out? Not very good. I should have slowed down, but since I knew how to drive (NOT) I wrecked into a tree instead. I was driving a 1980 Dodge D-50. Standard shift. Yeah, not a car you want to get into washboards with.

I bit my bottom lip as my head went through the windshield (yep, no seat belt either). It took me sticking my hand up there and pulling it back right again. I didn't bite it completely (thank god) but I also spit a tooth out. I was a tad bit overcrowded on my jaw anyway. I did all this in the seconds after the wreck happened. There was the shock of all my teeth on the bottom being pushed so out of whack I needed oral surgery and oh year, my jaw was broken.

As you can see from the picture, I looked a bit drugged, I'm also rocking with a mullet. What can I say? You can, if you look closely at my chin, see some stitches. I was so out of it, but I think that was good for me. The surgeon did a wonderful job. I could not close my mouth, and thought that I would lose the entire front bottom teeth. The only one I lost was the one that popped out on impact (whole tooth came out). So from a money stand point, it was definitely the costliest mistake I ever made.

I still need a root canal in one of those bottom teeth, it doesn't bother me, no discoloration, no nothing but they tell me each time I go to the dentist. Still a very stupid, completely avoidable, extremely bone headed thing I did. I find I'm still apologizing for this to my parents 20 years later... not that either is looking for an apology, I just feel so bad that I did it. And as for the license? I got a 6 month delay on that.

Our children are a warning, that we too, had to be watched at every turn. The teenager has done it to me. She stuck a tissue, or a piece of balled up tissue so far up her nose (she was 4 when this happened), it would not come back out again. And it wasn't the first time it happened either (3 different times, some people need remedial training). Lucky for her I work in the medical field, have access to tools, to dig that thing back out. But why do we do it? I can only guess it is because we learn best when we screw up, and the bigger the screw-up, the bigger/more important the lesson learned.Maybe...

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