I Need A Moment

This week my wife's brother, also known as my brother-in-law, and his wife and daughter were down visiting us. I like them, they are great, and I can honestly say that I have nothing but good things to say about them. But the whole take a trip down here, lets go see this, what about that? Plus 100+ degree temperatures, well it makes one need a moment to chance his/her breath. I think I am going to fall asleep all weekend. Well I wish anyway...

The Sprinkler

You know it is hot summer-like weather here in South Carolina. Something I have always used to stay cool is a sprinkler. Even when I was a kid, I used to keep cool with the outside water hose and a sled sprinkler, you know one that oscillates back and forth. I'm here to tell you that you can expand you social circle with some water and a sprinkler.

Now a days my yard is automatically watered with a sprinkler system. Sounds fancy doesn't it? It is, but it just came with the house... one of the many extras that was making this house more desirable than the slew of other houses on the market. But I had a cast iron sprinkler, a hold over from my pre-automatic watering days. And there are some spots of my yard (not really my property, but I want it looking as green as my actual yard) that the sprinkler system doesn't touch.

When I crank the old sprinkler up, it brings kids out of the woodwork. And they can't help but want to play in it. I must admit, even I like to run through the sprinkler from time to time. And so without any further ado Summer can start now...

Stegosaurus

This is a picture my Songbird drew for her mother, as you can see in the "I drd (drawed her words not mine) this for you." So what do you think?

Some Time Off...

So I got off from work (which requires me to find someone else to cover my account). I'm flying out to see my mom alone. That will be somewhat strange as I don't think that has happened since I came out to Hilton Head for the very first time, 7 years ago. I'm a big wuss that I thought I was. This whole cancer stuff is bigger than anyone knows, that is until it comes up and bites them... then they know.

I always thought my father, who worked in and around all sorts of dangerous chemicals nuclear plants, shipyards, paint factories... would get sick, and he did and he overcame all of that. But my mom worked in a doctor's office or hospital not some chemical company. So I guess it just took me by surprise. I don't guess anyone can really expect it. Still I'm learning to accept it and deal with it (and it isn't even my disease). I hope it never happens to me, but when my mother gets through this I will have both to look at and know I can do it if need be.

But for now I leave my kids in my wife's capable hands, and go to my mother. I wish that it was under different circumstances... like she won the lottery or just a regular family vacation, but it is not my mother just joked that it took cancer to make me come out there, honestly I'll be the brunt of every joke if it means my mom will stay a little longer. So I get on the plane Saturday and come back Thursday. That seems so inconsequential so mundane why do I have to jump through so many hoops, pull so many favors? I guess it comes with the territory. I am glad that I can take time off and be with my mom (in two weeks). So simple yet so hard to come by...

Proffesional Chef

My teenager came to me the other day and said "I am not an expert chef when it comes to a PB&J" I say "Really?" Perhaps she could take lessons from this guy:



I mean, who can screw up a PB&J? Apparently my daughter.

A Song...

I know, I seem somewhat stuck on the Foo Fighters lately... but this song, it is the last on the new album, it is called Walk. It is a song that you hear in movies where the guy (or girl) is trying to reconnect with someone (i.e a girlfriend) but there is some many other things it could be... someone overcoming an illness (i.e. a stroke or cancer). Which is what I think about when I hear it, my mother and breast cancer. I know (as does she) that I am not ready for her to go. So far from what she says now, is she won't have a mastectomy. I mean, she says she won't get one because she feels like it is too invasive, and more likely than not she will die anyway, and so she wants to go on to die if she needs to have her boob(s) lopped off.  She and I both work in health care... we know the score, and I know she is likely correct.

And that is fine... I guess, I'll respect her right to do whatever she wants. But I'm just thinking from my side if whatever comes to pass then my kids and sibling's kids won't have a grandmother. That is sad. I hope the news is better... that she does not need a mastectomy, that she will get cured and live 10-20 years more (or longer). It is hard to lose someone you love. Hell I'm still pissed about that stupid fricking dog that became an alligator's lunch 6 months ago. I don't know how I will fair if when I lose one of my parents. I always thought that they would lose me, that I would be the first to go, lord knows, I tried. Now I know how they feel. And it is not very nice...

Now I'm in some kind of catch up mode. I want to go see my mom... as much as I can, but I have kids, bills, a wife, a job... all of which keeps me busy here. I don't know how I will balance it all out. I'm scared I won't get to see mom much if the worst happens. And of course you know, I think everyone knows that would really suck. Just like letting the dog out to go pee...I never saw him alive after that. I don't want a repeat performance with my mom.



EDIT: So my mom got news that is somewhat good/ somewhat bad. At first they recommended a mastectomy, which is par for the course. Everybody I know that was treated for cancer, they always recommended cutting off the most, then they would kind of back off. So my mom is going to have chemo and radiation, shrink the tumor and then them a lumpectomy. But they say this is more risky than going in and taking the boob off. If you ask me, cancer in and of itself is a dangerous thing, and not much else can be more riskier. We will see...

And Then...

Yeah so I got some bad news while on vacation. It is definitely a "game changer" as it were. My mom called and told me that she has breast cancer. I have been processing that for a few days. There is so much running through my head, I don't know how to say it all. I went through a similar experience 7 years ago, when my father told me he had throat cancer.

I'm not sure how my mother will opt to treat this. If she will go the full mastectomy, the partial lumpectomy, or some other thing. With my father, they originally wanted to remove his entire lower jaw. He did no opt for that and if you have seen Roger Egbert lately, I can totally understand.

There are worries that arise, like "What do I do if one of my daughters/sisters get this too?" Yep, it is stupid to worry, because worrying can't help anything, but I worry anyway. My mom is young, at least I think so, 60 isn't so old anymore.

I don't know what I will do from this point forward, but I am reminded by my father's words way back when he thought his cancer would kill him... "Nobody gets out of life alive, there ain't a big shiny trophy when you get to the end either. All you can do is love those close to you and appreciate the person for whatever time you have. There is nothing else."

I'm not ready for my mother to leave me yet. I'm just not. But I am powerless in that regard. So it is a waiting and hoping and worrying game until I find out anything more...