My Facade

So yes, I ended my last post with saying I was putting up a facade, and for the most part I feel it is true. Now I know most of what I'm about to say is unreasonable and untrue, but this is the way I FEEL, not what actually IS. I think my employment is at risk, because I can't do the things I used to do as good as I used to do them. Sure 99% of the time it doesn't matter anyway but if you had a guy who had a stroke and wasn't quite right and a guy who was normal, who would you pick?

Yeah, yeah I know none of that is going to happen, but it might.... maybe. And then there's the whole life at home thing, yes it is even more unlikely than the work thing but still, I have to talk and present myself and what not. Again I ask you, dear reader, would you rather a stroke victim or a normal guy?

That leads me to the whole facade thing. I feel like I put up a front so that everything will pretty much stay the same. I don't think my wife is man shopping or anything, but I do feel less than I was, certainly not what she signed up for. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it retarded? Yes. but still these things are lingering in the back of my bruised brain. Should I just STFU? Probably.

My work has stuck with me, my wife has stood by me, my kids... are still my kids. I really have no reason at all to think anything bad is going to happen... So why am I stressing over this? I don't know.

Brain Function

So I've been quiet about the "stroke" and for the most part life has gotten back to normal. Well that was until last weekend. I don't know what happened, but I simply could not communicate. I mean I could talk, sound would come out of my mouth, it's just that I couldn't think of the right words to use in some cases. It's still like that to a point, not as bad as it was last weekend, but still noticeable.

One thing that seems to help this condition is beer. I don't really understand why, but my guess is it either shuts something down that's causing things to get jammed, or it just loosens me up and I don't care so much. Which of course get me in trouble because I can't really get hammered every night. I probably could but you know what I mean.

About the only lifestyle that's conducive to this type activity is being in the military, stationed overseas. Since I've already did that and I am no longer in the military anyway that's out. Maybe I need to seek some medicine or something. Or just wait and let things go back by themselves. I think that's what I'll do. But I can't help but feel I putting up a facade. . .

Classic Film Friday: The Third Man

The down and out novelist Holly Martins (Joseph Cotten) is promised a job by coming to post-WWII Vienna. But it all takes a viscous turn when the man who invited him, Harry Lime (Orson Welles) is killed. It takes some twists and turns as Holly talks to all kinds of people trying to find out about Lime's "supposed" death.

Part of what makes writing a review for this movie so hard is the fact that you don't want to give anything away. There's Lime's love interest Anna (Alida Valli) who also finds attention from Holly which is a kind of love triangle and there's that infectious song composed and played by Anton Karas which is played on a zither.

My Politicalness

I've been feeling kind of strange lately, like everybody just go away and leave me alone. But that's not very realistic of me is it? So anyway I find myself becoming violently ill when I think about the whole presidential race. First off, I don't really hold true to the vote down party lines thing. I think I would be a Republican, if they weren't festering with evangelical bullshit, also they haven't exactly been conservative with spending. Which might lead me to the Democrats, except I just think they're full of shit too. Exactly how is one man going to affect so much change? And would it really be any better? It seems like it will certainly cost me more.

Maybe that's the whole problem with politics. It costs somebody. The right puts it on everybody, and the left on the richest amongst us. I'm in that percentage of wealthiest. Though I can't believe it. We, my wife and I, make just over $100,000 annually. I can't even imagine how people making less do it... at least around here.

But I'm trying to stay neutral in this diatribe... seriously. I just don't know how inspiration is going to fix our problems. I can't even bring myself to check any websites, fact checking anybody right now because I believe, as hard as this might be to imagine, that the government only muddies the water. I can't say I was better off when so and so was in office, because there's just too many variables to try to pin down. Your job, your cost of living, your personal choices, and the litany of choices for everyone else. Is one man in charge of all of this?

So we come to this, the democratic convention. I see Ted Kennedy made a speech, they were saying and showing how it was like his speech in 1980. Does anyone else find that amusing? Almost 30 years in-between speeches, and nothing has changed? hmmmmmmm... It sounds and smells like pipe dreams to me.

So again I ask, instead of all this crap, this pomp, you know this one came from a single parent home, or that one was a POW in Vietnam, can we get to the task at hand? Or is there nothing left to talk about? Can we not talk of how things can be or should be, and start talking about real difference that we can make now? And just what has been done in year or so that either candidate can hang his hat on? Nothing.

If that's all we're about, the speeches, then why register to vote? It's pretty ridiculous when you think about it.

Feline Regret

Our Property Taxes

Not to step on my wife's toes by posting over hers but the story in today's paper just kills me.

We deserve our money. I thought that once everything washes out the school board or police or anything really is supposed to be budgeted. You have X amount of money to get Y amount done. But apparently that's not the way it works. If you have more money, they will spend it... on something else.

I think we need a reality check or maybe this really is Bizarro World.

Grown-up Bully

Mrs. MH here... I just had to write about something that just happened to me at Target. There was this woman....who I already encountered twice in my short 5 minute trip through the store. You know the type, loud enough not to notice. Might I add, with an outfit even louder. So, I immediately recognized her as she cut me off to get in front of me in the Express-10-items or less lane. I'm sure this has happened to you....you both kind of get there at the same time and to be polite you sort of step aside. Not this lady, she stepped right in front of me as if I didn't exist. Mind you, her teenage daughter is 20 feet behind both of us and follows in behind me exhibiting more manners than her mother.

So, in an awkward move, her mom then motions for her to come around me and that's when I notice that she has a cart full of stuff. CLEARLY more than 10. I mean, not even close! So, already irritated from being cut off, I say in a sweet voice, "This is the express lane"---most everyone I know would say they were proud of me since I'm not one to speak up for myself. So she says, "You can go ahead of me." and then pauses long enough for me to say "thank you" and adds in a very snotty voice "If it's that much trouble." I responded "I am in a hurry" and she bites back with "So are we." My heart races and I hold back knowing that this is ridiculous and not worthy of being upset over.

I didn't care about waiting an extra 3 minutes in line....even though my husband had just called and said the baby was crying for me. Three minutes is just three minutes. I just didn't want to be the wimp....run over by this obvious grown-up bully with helmet hair and a shopping list the size of Vegas. As I walked out of the store, I FELT bullied. I couldn't help but think of the kids who endure that kind of treatment from other kids all the time. I hadn't felt that bullied feeling in years....probably 20 or so. The whole experience, although minor, reminded me what adolescents just might be going through. So, thank you evil woman...I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience in the Lowcountry!