A Song...

I know, I seem somewhat stuck on the Foo Fighters lately... but this song, it is the last on the new album, it is called Walk. It is a song that you hear in movies where the guy (or girl) is trying to reconnect with someone (i.e a girlfriend) but there is some many other things it could be... someone overcoming an illness (i.e. a stroke or cancer). Which is what I think about when I hear it, my mother and breast cancer. I know (as does she) that I am not ready for her to go. So far from what she says now, is she won't have a mastectomy. I mean, she says she won't get one because she feels like it is too invasive, and more likely than not she will die anyway, and so she wants to go on to die if she needs to have her boob(s) lopped off.  She and I both work in health care... we know the score, and I know she is likely correct.

And that is fine... I guess, I'll respect her right to do whatever she wants. But I'm just thinking from my side if whatever comes to pass then my kids and sibling's kids won't have a grandmother. That is sad. I hope the news is better... that she does not need a mastectomy, that she will get cured and live 10-20 years more (or longer). It is hard to lose someone you love. Hell I'm still pissed about that stupid fricking dog that became an alligator's lunch 6 months ago. I don't know how I will fair if when I lose one of my parents. I always thought that they would lose me, that I would be the first to go, lord knows, I tried. Now I know how they feel. And it is not very nice...

Now I'm in some kind of catch up mode. I want to go see my mom... as much as I can, but I have kids, bills, a wife, a job... all of which keeps me busy here. I don't know how I will balance it all out. I'm scared I won't get to see mom much if the worst happens. And of course you know, I think everyone knows that would really suck. Just like letting the dog out to go pee...I never saw him alive after that. I don't want a repeat performance with my mom.



EDIT: So my mom got news that is somewhat good/ somewhat bad. At first they recommended a mastectomy, which is par for the course. Everybody I know that was treated for cancer, they always recommended cutting off the most, then they would kind of back off. So my mom is going to have chemo and radiation, shrink the tumor and then them a lumpectomy. But they say this is more risky than going in and taking the boob off. If you ask me, cancer in and of itself is a dangerous thing, and not much else can be more riskier. We will see...